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Our Allies, the French

France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes. -Mark Twain

I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me. -General George S. Patton

Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion. -Norman Schwartzkopf

We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it. -Marge Simpson

As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure. -Jacques Chirac, President of France

As far as France is concerned, you're right. -Rush Limbaugh

The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee. -Regis Philbin

The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky, I don't know. -P.J. O'Rourke (1989)

You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks, but doesn't have the face for it. -John McCain, U.S. Senator (AZ)

You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." Conan O'Brien

I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either. -Jay Leno

The last time the French asked for "more proof, " it came marching into Paris under a German flag. -David Letterman

Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada . -Ted Nugent

War without France would be like... uh... World War II.

The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says "First Iraq, then France." -Tom Brokaw

What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis? -Dennis Miller

It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us. -Alan Kent

They've taken their own precautions against al-Qaida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house. -Argus Hamilton

Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description "Never shot. Dropped once." -Rep. Roy Blunt (MO)

The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq. -Dennis Miller

Raise your right hand if you like the French. Raise both hands if you are French.

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the Germans as they entered the city in WWII? A. Table for 100,000, M'sieur?

Q. Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? A. It's not known, it's never been tried. -Rep. R. Blount (MO)

Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining. -John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.

The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney....... (AP) Paris The French government announced toda y that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists