In case you needed further proof that the human
race is doomed through stupidity, here are some
actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No
purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like
(and that would be???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving
(but, it's just a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom)
-- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will
be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron
clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not
drive a car or operate machinery after taking
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
construction accidents if we could just get those
5 year-olds with head-colds off those
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause
(...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor
or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used
for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts --
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this
garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents
for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop
chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening